I, Shamefully stopped writing, and I have no excuse.
I have just sought inspiration from a new acquaintance, Its rather nice actually talking to someone openly and being in the moment as they have absolutely no preconception of you. magic.
I have been really sad for so long. I have come to the conclusion, relationships drive me to insanity, soul crushing depression and codependency. I like to think I am smart enough to not allow this to happen, but from the past, I can see it has, countless times. well, probably can count how many times, never the less. I have stooped to my lowest.
As a pretty independent thinker, one who trusts her heart to show her clarity, boy, oh boy, have I been blinded by so called momentary love.
I say momentary, because that is all it can ever be. That's what I currently believe love to be, momentary.I have loved so many people. Some have stuck to my heart, some have whispered away into the wind, and remembered as a brisk passing. all lessons of love.
for the hearts brought into my life, to collide with me, all have taught me about myself and others, ultimately for the better, always for the better, because if I have behaved in a certain way, I do think about my actions enough to never repeat. But like any human being, I have repeated my mistakes.
My newest lesson is cheating, why I have done it. In my mind (mind not heart) I have come to several conclusions to explain my blatant social betrayal - the betrayal of obeying the relationship. Even if you are attracted to people flowing in and out of your day to day. It is explained that one must respect the other person who momentarily loves them, enough to not kiss, sleep with, run off, break up etc
Its essentially what a relationship it, its an emotional contract to stop the other person changing their mind. THAT IS INSANITY.
we change every second, millisecond of our existence, and to believe that our chemistry isn't going to adapt to the evolving landscape and biology around is, is plain fairy tale.
Don't get me wrong, I have wanted for so long to believe in ever after and one person for all, but it isn't chemical reality. At the most basic natural level we change all the time.
